@lazerdoov: Sorry I brought my own turntables and tried to battle your wedding DJ
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@jwoodham: If your building doesn't have an elevator and you don't live on the first floor, we can't date. I'm looking for a relationship, not a gym.
@jabba_jabba_jaw: Hug your children. Hug your friends and family. Hug the cashier at Chipotle. Hug someone else's children. Hug the arresting officer.
@WilliamRodgers: 18 is TOO young to get married! You can't even buy booze at 18! If you can't buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.