@lazerdoov: Sorry I brought my own turntables and tried to battle your wedding DJ
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@_Water_Baby: I cry way more when I'm angry than when I'm sad. So if you see my tears, look out for my left hook too.
@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: What if dementors attack our house? Me: They can't get in. 6: Why not? Me: My patronus is a screaming toddler.
@PinkCamoTO: CW: You're not wearing a costume. M: Yes I am. CW: You're dressed as yourself? M: No. I'm a serial killer. We look just like everyone else.
@highwaytohelv: why yes i studied sports medicine at the university of phoenix. *puts stethoscope on basketball, nods*