@cbdoubleu: Sorry I burnt your degree from the University of Phoenix thinking that a better degree would rise from its ashes.
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@clairecdowns: Guy in USA:(phone) you ready? Guy in Australia: (phone) hell yeah Both:123 *each drop a piece of bread onto ground* Both: EARTH SANDWICH!
@WilliamAder: Me: Haven't shaved for two days. Do I look like McDreamy? Wife: You look like McHomeless.
@cbdoubleu: [Gets arrested] Officer: You get one phone call... *hangs up a few minutes later. Can you turn the radio up? I requested a song.