@bondgirl_79: Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@clindsaysway: If Mt Vesuvius erupted over us right now, there'd be lots of shapes of people looking at their phones later on.
@shanethevein: Wait, there's a big difference. Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?
@OutOfLeftField_: I told someone my name and they said, "That's unusual. You don't hear that every day." Actually, I do.
@AndyAsAdjective: [my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my résumé to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*