@stanleybehrman: Sorry I called you stupid. It was insensitive and heartless of me. I just assumed that you knew.
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@eyeswidebutt: [a postapocalyptic world where everyone has killed themselves so they dont have to hear my opinions] me: lemme explain y this is problematic
@ExcuseMyTweets: The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I'm wondering how much money I spent last night.
@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.