@SortaBad: Sorry I can't come to your thing tonight, I'm too busy figuring out an excuse about why I can't come to your thing next week
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@Darlainky: I'm never more irritated by fashion than when I'm trying to stuff something in a fake pocket!
@KeetPotato: [5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"
@SwartyComedy: They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years.