@bendymommy: Sorry I can't date you because I'm seeing anybody else.
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@ibid78: DISPATCH: we have a report of a robbery in progress four blocks from your current location HOT AIR BALLOON COP: I'll be there in 80 days
@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to have candles on his birthday cake...Wtf are you wishing for? All your dreams came true when you met me.
@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
@CanadianCyn: Mom: You need to get a hobby. Me: Like photography? Mom: I don't think stalking the garbageman is a hobby.