@SortaBad: Sorry I can't pay for a new car right now, I'm still paying off a Naked Juice I bought in 2014
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@SSDated: This guy in the elevator asked for my number so I wrote it on his arm. Apparently he meant which floor, so that was awkward.
@rickkondell: Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
@juliussharpe: People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.