@robfee: Sorry I can't pay my rent this month, I bought an apple at the airport.
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@OutOnTheMoors: Don't worry, people who are sick of political tweets, every horror movies needs a few "Nah, it's nothing" types to raise the body count.
@buhsbaby_baby: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because you saw me eating that cupcake with no hands and you want my autograph?
@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears