@IamEnidColeslaw: sorry I didn't answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
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@Teowulf: When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."
@Schmoodles: My friend texts "ur" instead of "you're" but puts extra letters in "so" because she's "soooo happy." This is why everyone hates you, Julie.
@OtherDanOBrien: *Detective stands over murder victim* This looks like a case of... *Takes off sunglasses* *Removes contacts* *Brushes teeth* *Goes to bed*
@ThaJawn: *breathes on window creating condensation *starts to write in condensation *sneezes *head slams into window and breaks it