@SteussieErica: "Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place," I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor.
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@cbdoubleu: "Are you seeing anyone?" Me: lately I've been seeing this squiggly floaty thing on my peripheral vision. Floaty thing: We're just friends.
@david8hughes: "HONEY, MY TOOTHBRUSH IS MOVING!" "Has it got ears?" "YEAH." "Tail?" "YEAH." "Is it the dog?" "I THINK I KNOW THE DIFF--AH IT BIT ME AGAIN!"
@TragicAllyHere: Lesser known historical fact: Abraham Lincoln's hat was so tall because he kept an upright Chipotle burrito in there
@McSwtrvst: I will raise my son to treat your daughters like spoiled princesses, but only if you don't raise your daughters to think they are. Deal?