@robdelaney: “Sorry I didn’t reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off… Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!”
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@JasonBanksComic: One of my exes left me bcuz, according to her, I'll never amount to anything. 15 years later & let me just say this... Lucky guess.
@KevinBuffalo: Me: "Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?" Wife: "Well, what does it say on it?" Me: "Buffalo Sabres." Wife: "You're an idiot"