@Matt_The_1st: Sorry I didn't reply to your text, I just couldn't find a response that would keep you from sending another
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@UncleDuke1969: "How much for this toaster?" "An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers?" "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *gets all four daughters dressed* Wife: I want everyone in Christmas dresses. Me: But- Wife: Everyone. Me: Fine. *puts on my dress*
@HelloCullen: I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: Hi Kid: M: Still? It's been a week K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE! M: You didn't die. Calm down.