@jwoodham: Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.
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@UncleDuke1969: "I'm THIRSTY!" "Can I have a drink?" "DAAAAAAAAD!" "I WANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!" See? My son can turn water into whine, too. Your move, God.
@DaddyJew: That awkward moment when you're in bed & go to take a sip of your drink but don't feel like doing a sit up and start waterboarding yourself
@faisaladam_: In Soviet Russia a bar walks into men. The case of the man-killing-bar remains unsolved.