@jwoodham: Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.
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@Marlebean: When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*
@FrenulumBreve: [Man in restaurant] I'll have that lobster please. *points to aquarium containing lobster putting finishing touches to his octopus disguise*
@Raoul_Duke_71: *Dorothy pummells Glenda with a ruby slipper DAFUQ YOU MEAN I HAD THE POWER TO GO HOME ALL ALONG?!! YOU SENT A MINOR TO MURDER A WITCH!!??