@jwoodham: Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ramenfuneral: happy easter everybody! remember it's not about the bunny but when scott stapp was nailed to that cross
@imskytrash: cop: could you please describe the man who tried to kill you me: yeah he was not nice
@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
@ArfMeasures: [Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR