@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Spelling bee] Judge: "Your word is unhelpful." Kid: "Can you use it in a sentence please?" Judge: "Nope."
@trevso_electric: "Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we'll call you a liar." -insurance
@Pro_Jones_: Therapist: So what's the problem? Wife: He thinks he's a flamingo. Me: That's it! I'm putting my foot down. *lowers foot that was raised*