@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
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@funandmisery: BATMAN: “...because bats scare me and I want criminals to share that fear. What about you?” INTIMACYMAN: “Oh haha...no reason I guess”
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?
@JasonLastname: Don't cry because it's over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm not saying I'm antisocial, but even when someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them to Google it.