@Jacksawyerr: Sorry I dropped your baby and tried to catch it with my foot.
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@michamontaz: Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
@ibid78: "So why do you wanna work at Petsmart?" *imagines running out of the store with all the dogs in my arms* "I'm a people person."
@DanMentos: “Hello, 911” Help I’m being murdered! “Can you put the murderer on please” what “Gotta hear both sides"
@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.