@dafloydsta: Sorry I faked my death during the middle of your boring story.
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@GrantTanaka: My wife is gone for the next 3 days, so if any ladies out there want to come over & yell at me to take out the garbage & not have sex, hmu
@sammyrhodes: There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
@notalogin: How would you describe your past work? [Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar] -Change management.
@Sickayduh: [First date] "Ok. Don't let her know you're just 40 squirrels in human clothes" "You said that out loud"