@JoyceCarolTotes: Sorry I got kicked out of the auditorium for yelling GET A TOMB YOU TWO during your little brother's 9th grade production of Romeo & Juliet.
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@AristotlesNZ: My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he's always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch.
@ohpegah: [playing with a Ouija board with my dog] Board: B A L L Me: I know that's you moving it! Stop! Board: T R E A T S
@simoncholland: Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?