@pete46and2: Sorry I handed you a broom when you asked for a ride.
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@Dawn_M_: I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts.
@just1fool: My only real regret in life is not pretending to be a shark in a heavily populated swimming area. But there's still time.
@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*