@Bandersnaaatch: Sorry I haven't been able to get back to you, I've been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It.
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@murrman5: "you're too polite" I am not [two weeks earlier while my house is being robbed] sorry he doesn't usually bark at strangers
@JediGigi: [1st date] Him: What do you do for fun? Me: I like pretending I'm someone else. Him: Wow? You do impersonations? Me: No, I steal identities.
@nealbrennan: Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
@TedInModeration: Dude on the street corner was like $5 for a sandwich? And he didn't even have a sandwich is why I have trust issues