@GrumpyBahr: Sorry I haven't tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps.
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@seamusmckracken: If you're hitting the gas every time she tries to open the passenger side door, remember, the 8th time is always the funniest.
@Ideal_Victoria: Date: Sing me something Me: ♫ Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeee ♫ *banner plane flies by with “we should see other people”
@sock_holliday: [Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week
@leechee420: How do I tell a guy that I'm only interested in him because I'd like to take selfies with his puppy?