@Bob_Heller: Sorry I interrupted your wedding dance with a much much better dance
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@edfoxcomedy: "On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge." - my advice to new teachers
@SteveKoehler22: Nike is coming out with a line of Air Brady football shoes. They have a built in suspension feature. You just have to let some air out.
@briangaar: Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass
@murrman5: [to the secretary before I go in for job interview] "when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"