@TheMichaelRock: Sorry, I just got your text. Do you still need a ride to the ER?
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@AcademicsSay: Active voice: I loved your book Passive voice: Your book was loved Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book
@JermHimselfish: I always keep an old key and a map with random X's all over it in my pocket so that shortly after my death occurs a treasure hunt ensues.
@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"