@TheMichaelRock: Sorry, I just got your text. Do you still need a ride to the ER?
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@OutOnTheMoors: "Comedians" don't RT because? A. Their tweets are pure gold. B. This is just a joke-tryout site. C. They know we're all funnier than them.
@jonnycarr1974: Him: I'll hold your hair while you throw up Her: *throws up* Him: *throws up in her hair*
@LoveNLunchmeat: I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.
@michaeljhudson: Prank: put a bucket of water on top of the door, then shoot your roommate in the stomach. When the cops come, they get soaking wet!