@TheMichaelRock: Sorry, I just got your text. Do you still need a ride to the ER?
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@dannylonglegs99: "Bro, rumor has it ur dads emo now" "Emo? Nah yo, EMU" "Im confused.." *A massive bird moonwalks in w/ a #1 Dad shirt* "Hi confused, Im Dad"
@trojansauce: [after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*
@BlondAmbitionTO: Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?
@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.