@Freudstombstone: Sorry I missed your funeral, but in my defense, you're not coming to mine.
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@DanMentos: "Your son's been involved in a shenanigan" What kinda shenanigans? "It was just one shenanigan" You called me down here for one shenanigan?
@junejuly12: Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.
@ahumanfireball: A perk of being in your thirties is waking up injured because you slept in a slightly different way than usual.