@Almighty_Smoot: Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
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@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@onelongbender: My internet boyfriend doesn't know about my real life boyfriend, which makes two of them.
@Hadzilla: At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table
@NaaN_Conformist: Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up.