@E_lok44: Sorry I painted a hat on your head while you were sleeping, but I can't knit.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Pmerrily: Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
@TheRealRHB: Just because I reported several women to HR for not washing their hands after using the rest room doesn't mean the camera they found is mine
@zachreinert03: Fact: if you drop a penny from a skyscraper it can kill someone on the street? It's true, I'm still glad I went with a bowling ball though
@pleatedjeans: cop: why'd you kill him? me: I was trying to count something and he kept shouting random numbers cop: ugh hate that you're free to go