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@Kendragarden: Sorry I picked up your pug and ran him in for a touchdown.
@DurtMcHurtt: [Sahara desert]
Me: *shares canteen*
Companion: *holds it to his mouth but nothing comes out*
Me: it's ketchup, you have to wait a bit.
@causticbob: be careful out there! #FiftyShadesOfGrey
@WhoToldYou2: "Be the change you want to see in the world."
*Morphs into a kitten
@SondraDeeMe: I fake the art of fainting so well my favorite restaurant now refers to me as "Low Blood Sugar Girl" while rushing my limp body to a table.
@garrettn: Claiming that someone else's marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because you're on a diet.