@AzahelZamora: Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
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@TheRolo: Girlfriend Parents: so how did you meet our daughter? Me: we met at a nickelback conc- Gf: [covers my mouth] we met on tinder
@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.
@Rhythms_n_Booze: Cop: What's the hurry? Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.