@iMikosnyc: Sorry I put black eyeliner on your baby, but honestly, look at how edgy it is now.
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@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her
@slimmy_shady: 911: whats your emergency Me: Come quick, my son has swallowed a condom*Click 911: whats your emergency Me: It's ok, found another one.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Prominently display feminine hygiene products in your living space to let him know your eggs are still viable.
@Julian_Deane: Double whammy. First date is turning out to be fun & I also go to meet my hero Chris Hansen from Catch a Predator.