@KyleMcDowell86: SORRY I REPLACED EVERYTHING IN YOUR FIRST AID KIT WITH BAGS OF BEEF JERKY YOU MIGHT BE MAD NOW BUT YOU'LL THANK ME LATER
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@daemonic3: WIFE: He's too literal and unromantic THERAPIST: Tell her something that comes straight from the heart ME: [whispers in her ear] Arteries
@DecantAndPour: I always keep an empty milk bottle in the fridge just in case anyone wants a black coffee.
@Gooooats: Instead of food, I put a note in my kid's lunchbox that says, "just steal a sandwich from one of the weaker children."