@KyleMcDowell86: SORRY I REPLACED EVERYTHING IN YOUR FIRST AID KIT WITH BAGS OF BEEF JERKY YOU MIGHT BE MAD NOW BUT YOU'LL THANK ME LATER
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@dlockw21: In my experience, people who say "I'm not trying to be difficult," don't really seem to be trying all that hard.
@ddsmidt: X-rays are dangerous, they were probably less harmful when they were just rays, but after the breakup...
@therealeatwood: [I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do
@NYC_Blonde: Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE'S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES