@DaddyJew: Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
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@E_lok44: When a 230 lb man yells from the shower for a towel, but you hand him a face cloth, he won't find it nearly as funny as you do.
@spittingllama_: When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - "I'd eat one" is not the right response.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow