@DaddyJew: Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
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@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do
@darinlovesbacon: Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
@Bob_Janke: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face and he says it's so when I'm eating prairie grasses I can see predators
@KateWhineHall: I've been married to my husband for 16 years and just learned he doesn't like ice cream cones. What in the hell have we been talking about all this time?