@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.
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@EndhooS: Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend
@BuckyIsotope: The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry.
@AIanHangover: Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.