@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.
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@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
@MartaEffing: I don't understand how wild bears can eat all that salmon without a squeeze of lemon and some sea salt.
@TheWeirdWorld: The headline “WORLD’S OLDEST PERSON DIES” could also be “WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON”.
@shutupmikeginn: Mentally fistfighting everyone I pass on sidewalk (watched action movie earlier) my record is 33-10 but to be fair I walked by a school.