@SufficientCharm: Sorry I threw your baby but there was a spider on her.
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@NymphoFor: Little do you know that in my head I've already married you, divorced you, and hidden your body.
@LaceyNycole: 2-year-old: *points to my belly* Baby! Me: Yep, there's a baby in there! Will you love it? 2: I eat it. Well that escalated quickly.
@Robbie_Cakes: Why do people always look so embarrassed walking down the street with a pizza box? Be proud man, you've got a pizza!
@UnFitz: Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*