@Eightinchgoat: Sorry I tried to strengthen my immune system by asking your wife to breast feed me.
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@roostermustache: Me: can i play music Funeral director: that's not appropriate Me: nana would've wanted it Director: ok CD player: someBODY once told me
@sixthformpoet: It’s so awkward when a bird arrives back at its nest and the worms in its mouth realise that wasn’t just a free aerial tour of the city.
@thenoahkinsey: Gerard Butler: Can I get sugar? Waiter: This is sugar. *GB stands pissed* GB: THIS..IS...SPLENDA!! *GB kicks waiter through glass panel*