@TheCiscoKidder: Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.
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@mattZillaaaa: I was really upset today but then a friend said "don't be upset" so now I'm not upset anymore
@JUSTLisandra: The first person to ever call me a psycho was Lorraine from high school. Height 5'4, coffin size 84 by 28 by 23.
@KeetPotato: waiter: "have we decided yet sir?" me: [after practicing saying gnocchi to myself for 15 minutes] "the margarita pizza please"