@juneohara65: Sorry I used the word flaccid twice in your wedding toast.
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@mrtruthandsoul: My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
@SSgtTommyD: My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.
@UncleDuke1969: "Put cheese on it." "It's not-" "Put cheese on it." "Really now, you-" "Everything gets better with cheese on it." "Sir, it's a BROKEN LEG."