@juneohara65: Sorry I used the word flaccid twice in your wedding toast.
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@JamesonN7: Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay
@iwearaonesie: wife: What happened to your face!? Did you get in a fight? [flashback to me trying to buckle my toddler in his car seat] me: Yes