@SCbchbum: Sorry I used your baby's bald head as a lipstick blotter.
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@Matt_The_1st: Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
@ericsshadow: [text] "Hey" Hi. "I'm just laying in bed thinking about you." This is your mom. "New phone who dis?" Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me.
@ibid78: [plumber] well here's your problem.. *keeps pulling tied handkerchiefs from toilet* [magician] it was like that when I bought the house
@radtoria: Spider Island Day 1: The arachnids are intelligent & friendly hosts. They even built me a hammock to ensure my comfort. Day 2: I was wrong.