@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I wrote "All dogs matter" on your "I ❤️ my Weimaraner" bumper sticker.
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@caperbc75: Dr: ... Me: ... D: ... M: ... D: *sighs* Did you stick an orange up your rectum M: No *orange falls out onto floor* D: ... M: *mumbles* yes
@Brenton_Rodgers: Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
@yerpalmildsauce: In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. "I wish he'd die," says Cupcake. They all nod.