@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I wrote "All dogs matter" on your "I ❤️ my Weimaraner" bumper sticker.
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@nicfit75: Considering "natural" childbirth? You wouldn't have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8lb tooth. From your crotch.
@noog: Everyone’s all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman’s fighting Superman in 2016.
@iamspacegirl: FISHING TRIP Joseph *casting his line*: Son, your mother thinks it's time I tell you- You're agodpted. Jesus *runs across the lake crying*