@KizerBillhelm: Sorry I yelled "April Fool's" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
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@bobvulfov: ME: why is my son failing TEACHER: just because u gave him that name doesnt mean he'll be intelligent ME: [gasping] cover ur ears Smartboy
@jctwritesstuff: [Date] Me: You're a scientist? Him: Yeah M: You like chemistry? H: M: Wanna get in my genes? H: M: *slow winks* H: Are you having a stroke?
@Spiritsoko: Cat knocks over coffee Me.... Cat.... Me... Cat.... Me: well? Cat.... Me.... Cat: (Russian accent) I admit to nothing. Jumps down
@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.