@KizerBillhelm: Sorry I yelled "April Fool's" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
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@TheTweetOfGod: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." - A man who owned other men.
@honeybadgerMel: I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*