@awescar: Sorry I yelled "chug it" to your baby, as you were breastfeeding.
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@iluvyogacats: Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!
@One2thTEXAN: *walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy.
@SleazySli: I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.