@Justin_M_Barber: Sorry I yelled 'killin' it' when your mom was eating that banana
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@TheCatWhisprer: gas pump: do you want a receipt? Y/N me: *presses yes* gas pump: me: *pressing harder* YES gas pump: lol nope
@MatCro: [Starbucks Assassins Inc] CHIEF: Write this down. Target's name is John BARISTA: [writes] Jamie C: Ok. Memorise it B: [eyes shut] Janet
@joeljeffrey: The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.
@better_off_dad: A simple smile can brighten someone's day... ...but a wide-eyed, toothy lunatic smile can keep them up all night.