@bossy_bootz: Sorry if my tweets aren't good enough for you, person who retweets Cher
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@SukaBlunt: I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen
@jergarl: Me: OMG I'm so tired. Ambien: Your wife would look AMAZING covered in mustard and chocolate chips. Me: I'm on it. A: And Cheetos. M: K.
@cravin4: Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You're freaking out the customers. Me: Fake?