@aligarchy: sorry i'm late, i have terrible time management skills and zero perception of distance as it pertains to speed of travel
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@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal
@mrtimlong: When comedians die, why does everyone tell them to "make God laugh"? You wouldn't order a dead carpenter to "make God some bookshelves."
@Scimommy: 90% of parenting older kids is making sure they're not in the same room when they have to do homework.