@robfee: Sorry Im late, I saw that Spongebob episode where he's a lifeguard but cant swim, even though they live underwater & now my brain is leaking
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
@WilliamAder: Boss set out a bowl of hard candy in the break room, so I guess we had our Christmas party today.
@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car
@BuckyIsotope: [commercial for soup] Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it? NARRATOR: SOUP