@robfee: Sorry Im late, I saw that Spongebob episode where he's a lifeguard but cant swim, even though they live underwater & now my brain is leaking
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RidiculousSheri: Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats.
@murrman5: *sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] "no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"
@HeidiCF8: I'm going to write "I miss you" on a rock. Then throw it at your face. I just want you to know how much it hurts..
@PhuckinCody: wife: our house is on fire! who you gonna call?! [later] ghostbusters (standing in ashes): u really should've called the fire department