@robfee: Sorry Im late, I saw that Spongebob episode where he's a lifeguard but cant swim, even though they live underwater & now my brain is leaking
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@GaryJanetti: I hope one day to have the chance to whisper "what's she doing here?" to the person next to me at a funeral.
@djdarrellripley: Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room...
@Jandalize: I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they're 21.
@bornmiserable: [United] This is your captain speaking. Underneath each of your seats is a broadsword. In the words of Highlander, there can be only one.