@gorrdano: Sorry, I'm using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.
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@JCautomatic: [Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist
@hipstermermaid: I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.
@Awesome_Todd: Is it "raymen" noodles or "rawmun" noodles? I don't wanna sound stupid when asking the gas station clerk for a wine to complement my dinner.
@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.