@GoodBadThing: Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
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@GensPlace: When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
@singing_ghosts: [texting in 1918] *pigeon delivers message* *msg reads: I don't love you* *turns to u* why would u send this? "it was 6 days ago. I was mad"
@MarlonBrandNO: [In Bar] Friend: Your fly is down Me: I know, he's going through a messy divorce *glances to fly passed out among empty beer bottles*