@Nikkeya08: Sorry my diet made me slap the oreo out of your toddler's hand and scream "NOT TODAY SATAN!"
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@Try2StopME: Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.
@ashleycrem: My 4 y/o doesn't realize that things in life have happened before his existence. I bet this is what life is like for Kanye. Let's be gentle.
@onume_: The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Pregnant coworker with 3 children who always complains about money: When are YOU going to start having kids? Me: When are you going to stop?