@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'
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@MelvinofYork: My kid told me an “old dead girl” lives in her room and whispers to her at night. I hope they get along cuz I’m never going in there again.
@TyWebb1980: *Arrives at the barbers* "I'd like some highlights please" *Barber puts on video of old haircuts*
@valentinebaby82: Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well
@SufficientCharm: 5 Stages of Pregnancy: 1: Crying 2: Peeing 3: Crying because you peed 4: Peeing because you're crying 5: The toilet is your home now