@Robski_Boy: Sorry Siri, talking to machines is not for me. I still get tongue-tied at the drive-through.
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@vexroid: Cell phone. Recliner. Beer. Not at work. This homeless guy is living the dream from what I can tell.
@2tickytacky: Psychiatrist: "Maybe you should be seeing a therapist." Me: "You sure like spending my money, don't you?"
@WilliamAder: "Grammies" is a shortening of "gramophones." Now that most people listen to music on their smartphones, the awards should probably be called (and I love this) "Phonies."