@SadieSkyNinja: Sorry that I took a picture of my armpit and tried to pass it off as my thigh gap.
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@Neauxpe: A bunch of black dudes were standing in front of my gardening equipment. Bros before hoes.
@SteveKoehler22: Staples is attempting a hostile takeover of its rival Office Depot. Office Depot has retaliated by snapping rubber bands at Staples.
@Carbosly: Do you have FB? No Do you have Twitter? No Instagram? No What do you have? A life. ... ... Can I have it? No. I need it to play Candy Crush.
@Manali_Shetye5: Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure